ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
