So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
