just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
