i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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