six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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