Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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