Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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