I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
