I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize