FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
