Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
