The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.