Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
