dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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