she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in