I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't turn off my feet"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
