Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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