The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
