I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
