Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
