He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
