I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
