so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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