Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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