I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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