I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
