is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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