U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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