I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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