If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
BRING THE BAGELS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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