My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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