Yo dont text me then not text me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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