I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
