ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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