I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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