You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
