Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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