Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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