wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
