you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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