Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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