please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
