woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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