That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
