You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
