I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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