party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
