so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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