Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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