I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
