I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
