Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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