i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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