I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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