everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
