he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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