Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
