happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize