think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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