I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
