Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
