Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
