All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
