Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
