I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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