Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
