I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
