Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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