I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
