Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
