Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
