New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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