Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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