If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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